Hey Blaine, You chose a really interesting topic for your project, it is really unique. I do not think anyone else will be writing about Rama golfing. I look forward to seeing how you develop Ravana as the villain and what he does to mess with Rama. Are you planning on making it so that Rama is still a warrior and will fight and kill people or just an average guy who plays golf. Honestly either one sounds like it could be interesting to read. I can imagine having Ravana as a rival golfer that is always just beating Rama and constantly trying to steal Sita away from Rama. Do you also plan to follow the general story line for the Ramayana and have Rama kill Ravana or is it going to be a relaxed adaptation of the story. You can do a lot with this one. Look forward to more stories.
I picked your project this week because of the title. It honestly just seemed pretty different from the rest so I was excited to see what it is all about. I am really glad I chose yours because I thought it was great. Your picture on the home page goes great with your theme. Once you have some stories, I think it would be really helpful to maybe add a kind of “table of contents” with the title of your story and a brief description. That would really help your readers know what they are getting into! I really liked reading you introduction. I only noticed a few grammar mistakes but they seem like easy fixes. I like the direction you are planning to go with your stories. It seems like you will add some personal experience and that’s awesome. I imagine it will make your stories much more fun to write. I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
Hi, Blaine! What an interesting project you have. I chose to come read your storybook because of the title and after reading your introduction I am so excited to see where you take your first story. I think it'll be really different than a lot of other storybooks since it's set at OU and with a golf team. I am excited to see how you plan to navigate the whole Ravana kidnapping Sita part into a story, and I am sure it will be really cool. I can tell you that you are interested in golf and it probably makes it much easier to write about since you're already passionate about it. With this theme I think there's a lot of different routes you can take with the Ramayana. Good luck with the rest of your stories and I look forward to what you have next!
Your project is off to a great start. I really enjoy that you are doing something that is not only unique, but it something that you are passionate about. This will give you the opportunity to complete some really awesome work. Your layout is clean. I may suggest though to find a higher resolution picture to use on your header to pull your layout together even more.
Your introduction is very well written. You give great insight on what your project will be about. I also like the way you tie the Ramayana into your project. This is a key element to your project, and you did it quite well. I would probably fix the formatting of your introduction. I would recommend breaking your two paragraphs into four for easier reading and understanding. I believe it would make your introduction have a better flow, and make it more desirable for people to read.
Blaine, I was pretty drawn to your story, because you mention "golf" in your title. After reading your introduction, there are so many questions that have peaked my curiosity. Firstly, I like that you incorporated yourself into your storybook series. I know of only one more classmate of ours that incorporated himself somehow and I think that's really neat. Not very many people do that in these stories. Your introduction makes me wonder what character you'll play in the stories and how significant you are, to be narrating the stories. Will you be keeping with the topic of taking Sita away or will you focus more on the golf perspective of the stories as well? I like that you have your characters in college and that Ravana is from a rival college and still trying to take Sita from Rama. It's got that modern-day twist and I kind of like it. Good luck with your storybook!
Hey Blaine. The concept of placing the story of the Ramayana onto a golf course setting is very interesting and I'm curious to see how you pull it off. I can only hope you have found a way to incorporate an abnormal amount of golf puns into the Ramayana's story. Your introduction does a pretty good job at introducing the story concept and the characters that we will be reading about throughout the rest of the stories, and if I had one complaint it would have to be that we don't really have a good idea of how the narrator fits into everything. He seems like he is a fellow student of Rama, but I don't know whether he is his friend, Ravana's friend or a friend of both. Besides for that, very good work so far!
I really enjoyed your stories and I'm glad you chose to focus on a topic that is personal to you. It seems to make for really good stories in my experience.
I believe your home page could be improved with a link to your comment wall (for convenience) and maybe post your banner as a full image to entice a little more immersion for the reader.
Your introduction looks good and does a great job of setting up your first story and I like that it seems to go in chronological order. I think it would be neat if you were able to mix this up, sorta like the scenes in "Pulp Fiction" if you've seen that movie.
Aside from a few typos such as: "Rama had a dad that was basically none existence in his early days and for that reason Rama was not close to his dad at all." everything looks really good. I look forward to seeing your progression throughout the semester.
This is a great idea for a project! It is always best to write about something you are passionate about, and you are obviously very passionate about golf! Your introduction has great content, and adding a few extra things will really make it great. A couple sentences need some commas (they are compound sentences, so they need to be separated before the conjunction). Trust me, I am no grammar guru, but adding just a few will really take your intro to the next level. Also, I love the picture of you and your teammates; great personal touch! Your story was also really fun to read! I loved that you were friends with Rama from the beginning because this will give readers an inside look on his personal life. This is actually a relatable story; so many college students have long-distance relationships or family trouble, so it sounds real! In order to make a whole story, I would add some conversation between you and Rama. Maybe you could also add something like your first practice or moving into the dorms or something like that. Keep up the great stories!
Hi Blaine! This is such a unique idea for a storybook. It's cool to see the characters as sports rivals. It's such a fitting twist. I also love how Ravana was enrolled at a college "down south". Is that supposed to be Texas? It feels like it's supposed to be Texas. I'm super excited to see how Sita comes in. This story has a lot of room for some great buildup! I was a little confused at first when the link brought me to your homepage, because it's blank, and the links are kind of hiding up in your header photo. I thought maybe the page didn't load right or something. I would suggest maybe looking into that. Other than that, I'm so excited to see how this moves forward! I wonder if Lakshmana will be a golfer too, or if he'l be Rama's football player roommate/best friend. And will Sita be sporty too? That would be so cool. And will other Ramayana characters be referenced? Even subtle references would be really cool, and add a lot of depth. Great job!
Again, it's really fun to see your love of golf come out in your stories. I thought it was really interesting to tell the tale from the point of view of someone BESIDES Rama, so it's simply his teammate. You introduced your storybook really well, and gave us a clear idea of what you would be writing them about. I like the modernization, as well as the relate-ability. It is very easy to read your story, and also very fun as you keep it light and fresh. I would like more backstory on the character who is narrating as well, but perhaps you're doing that later, or you could add it in during an editing challenge. I love that he's friends with Rama and we do get his backstory at least. There are a few instances of strange misspellings and repetitions in your story, but nothing a revision can't fix.
Hey Blaine! It looks like you've incorporated one of your interests into a Ramayana story, and I think that's super awesome! I like that you made the story on the OU campus and are kind of sharing someone else's story; I think the first person narrative is great and it pulled me into the story immediately! I don't have many critiques about your story at all because I thought it was great, but just one suggestion: at the end, you mention "This was just the beginning of Rama and I as we would have many great stories of our time together." However, you didn't mention actually meeting Rama or how you guys became friends, or like a little story about your first encounter. I was thinking maybe you could add in a sentence or two about your first adventure together or just how you guys met, so that we can see you guys have started to become friends and in the next parts of your storybook you'd talk about everything else that went down senior year :-) I really liked where your storybook is headed though, so great work! I can't wait to read the rest of it:)
Hi Blaine! I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class. I really like the way you set up your storybook! How it seems like you're actually in the story, and how it takes place at OU, but it also includes a very different set of characters from the Indian culture! I feel like your first story was also a more extended introduction. I didn't really feel a sense of plot in it. Just more explanation of the characters. Maybe you could add in some drama to make it more like a story? I'm definitely interested in reading more to see how the storybook actually comes together! Does Ravana also play golf? Have they competed together in the past? And what's the history behind Rama and Ravana? Is there a reason they are rivals? Maybe you could answer some of these questions in the introduction/stories? I also wonder what's going on with Rama's father? Will he have a role in the story at all?
Hey Blaine, I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class. I really like how your story takes place here at OU. I was unable to really see the plot of your story recounting of Rama's experiences. I want to learn more about the rivalry between Rama and Ravana.
Hi Blaine, My name is Justin, I am from the Mythology and Folklore class. Your introduction was really good. It told us a little about your background and how your storybook was going to be as you move forward. I especially like the personal connection you make to your own life and how it is really meaningful. A couple things that I saw in your story were just a few spelling/grammatical errors like "none existence" should be said as non existent. That was the major thing that I noticed. Another thing to add would be more detail. Rama's father left because he felt he wouldn't be able to see his son succeed but what made this happen? Was it really hard for Rama to concentrate because of it or was he doing alright? Maybe end on a positive note as well!
Hey Brad! I'm Gavin and I'm in the mythology and folklore class. So reading your stuff was quite different. I really thought your introduction was professional and brought the right idea for the set up. You can tell you're trying to set a path for the next stories to come. I think that your material is great other than a few minor slip ups with the actual writing. I thought you could possibly make a few additions of detail to truly get more action into your story. I love golfing so I truly can appreciate your stories. I think to truly capture your idea with another story but until then I’ll just have to wait. One thing I was thinking was you maybe adding more images to truly allow the reader to visualize your stories. Overall I think youre doing a great job brad and you should just make a few minor tweaks but material wise you are perfect.
Hi Blaine! I'm Jillian and I am in the mythology and folklore class! I think you chose a really interesting way of setting up your stories. Using your own life as the frame? Very clever. I thought it was cool how you could use your own pictures and experiences to inform your storytelling. It makes it feel much more personal for the readers, like we are not only hearing stories, but getting to know you as well. One thing that could really enhance your first story is some direct dialogue. We could get more of Rama's personality by hearing his voice and words. It could also develop the story and the relationships he has with other characters of the story. This way we really feel invested in this golf team. Other than that, great work! I would like to see more development between Rama and his rival, but maybe that is coming in the future stories?
Blaine, I like the idea of using this storybook to reflect some of your personal experiences. This not only adds significance for the reader, but I think it really adds significance for you. That contributes another layer of depth to your writing, because there in meaning both in what is being said and also why it is being said. Matching this up with stories from your life also probably made it more interesting for you to write! With your first story, I love your picture! Looks like a beautiful course. I do think that you might be able to add some more information in order to develop this story. As it is, it almost serves as more of an introduction instead of its own story. Perhaps you could provide more of a description of Sita, and of Rama and Sita’s relationship? We are told that they are in love and that they enjoy spending time together, but I think it would add some depth to your story if you discussed what Sita was like as well as some specifics about their relationship. I almost think a possible set up idea for you website would be to use your current introduction page as more of a brief preface to the content of the project, and then using your first story, “Beginning of College,” as an introduction. This might set up you up to expand your content in the upcoming weeks!
I wanted to say that this was definitely a very cool and unique idea for a project! I have not seen anyone else make a project based on experiences from their own life and memories. So, I thought that was really awesome! I think the introduction and overall layout of your project are great. You have a nice background image and the text is pleasing to look at. The initial story was also very good, and I think it provided crucial background information to the story. I liked the idea of the two attending Oklahoma and Texas. That bit of information will make it more entertaining for the readers. I wonder what will happen between Rama and his rival? Will he defeat his rival during his bid for a championship? I am looking forward to seeing what happens next! Keep up the good work. I will check back in a couple of weeks to see what happens next.
Hi Blaine! I'm in the Mythology and Folklore class but I wanted read your Storybook because I play golf too. This is a really original idea and it was so smart of you to base the stories on your personal experiences. With a only a five or six person team, it's a sport that lets you get to know everyone personally. Why doesn't Sita go to school with them? And why is she not the one coming up to see him? I know this all has a point but sometimes I just wish everyone could be logical in stories. Does Ravana get in Rama's head when he plays? Ugh because that's the worst! I like your style of writing for this too. I think writing it from your own perspective looking back on the events is a great way to do this story. It makes the foreshadowing all the more fun! Great job and I can't wait to see what happens next!
Hi Blaine!! I've read posts on your class page, but this is the first time I've gotten the chance to read your project! Great job! The introduction really gains the readers attention and makes them feel invested into the stories you are about to tell. You did a great job of setting up the plot and things the reader would read later on in your story.
There were just one thing I noticed when reading that I wanted to point out :)
"While us teammates wanted each other to succeed their were others teams that loved to see us fail." - there instead of their
This is the first time I have checked out your page all semester. Honestly, I should have checked it sooner! I was missing out on some great stories. I like how you made your stories personal by including yourself. This is the first portfolio that I have came across that has done that has done that.
In the begging on your portfolio, you started with your story "beginning of college". I think that you did a great job with that because it is necessary to lay down the foundation for the rest of your portfolio stories. The story was also very easy to read and relatable. I think it would be a good idea to mention how you Rama actually became friends. I think that would make your story more interesting! Other than that you have a wonderful start to your portfolio stories.
I really like that you put yourself into your stories. It's a very unique approach and offers a very engaging perspective that I haven't seen from any of the other projects. I think you did a fantastic job of taking your own personal experiences and mixing them with the stories that we have read about in class. I assume that also made it easier as well as more fun to write. There are a few grammar mistakes throughout your portfolio, mainly missing commas, but also a few misspellings - in your last story specifically, "their" at the start of your third paragraph should be there - but you should be able to take care of that by doing a quick proof read. One thing that maybe could have added to the stories would be dialogue between the characters, although that might have been hard with you being the narrator. I think the second story would have been a good place for it, maybe highlighting the discussion between Rama and Sita where he is given the ultimatum. The stories are just fine how they are though.
This was a very fun project to read, thank you for doing such a great job!
Hey, Blaine! I know it is the end of the semester but I am glad I stumbled upon your project. I think your idea is super unique! I liked that you set your project on campus. It makes it relatable and easy to read. I also like the team aspect of your project. I think it was a great idea to take the story of Ramayana and incorporate it into something relatable to you. I think my only real critique has to do with character development. I know it's a bit late in the semester for it now but I think adding some character background would really make your project overall stronger. It was a bit hard in a few spots to keep characters straight and it felt as though they were all thrown together in the stories - especially the rivalry between Rama and Ravana. Why are the rivals? It could just be a learning curve for me since I am in the Myth & Folklore class, not the Indian Epics class. Other than those few suggestions, well done!
Hey Blaine,
ReplyDeleteYou chose a really interesting topic for your project, it is really unique. I do not think anyone else will be writing about Rama golfing. I look forward to seeing how you develop Ravana as the villain and what he does to mess with Rama. Are you planning on making it so that Rama is still a warrior and will fight and kill people or just an average guy who plays golf. Honestly either one sounds like it could be interesting to read. I can imagine having Ravana as a rival golfer that is always just beating Rama and constantly trying to steal Sita away from Rama.
Do you also plan to follow the general story line for the Ramayana and have Rama kill Ravana or is it going to be a relaxed adaptation of the story. You can do a lot with this one. Look forward to more stories.
Hi Blaine!
ReplyDeleteI picked your project this week because of the title. It honestly just seemed pretty different from the rest so I was excited to see what it is all about. I am really glad I chose yours because I thought it was great. Your picture on the home page goes great with your theme. Once you have some stories, I think it would be really helpful to maybe add a kind of “table of contents” with the title of your story and a brief description. That would really help your readers know what they are getting into! I really liked reading you introduction. I only noticed a few grammar mistakes but they seem like easy fixes. I like the direction you are planning to go with your stories. It seems like you will add some personal experience and that’s awesome. I imagine it will make your stories much more fun to write. I look forward to seeing what you come up with!
Hi, Blaine! What an interesting project you have. I chose to come read your storybook because of the title and after reading your introduction I am so excited to see where you take your first story. I think it'll be really different than a lot of other storybooks since it's set at OU and with a golf team. I am excited to see how you plan to navigate the whole Ravana kidnapping Sita part into a story, and I am sure it will be really cool. I can tell you that you are interested in golf and it probably makes it much easier to write about since you're already passionate about it. With this theme I think there's a lot of different routes you can take with the Ramayana. Good luck with the rest of your stories and I look forward to what you have next!
ReplyDeleteBlaine,
ReplyDeleteYour project is off to a great start. I really enjoy that you are doing something that is not only unique, but it something that you are passionate about. This will give you the opportunity to complete some really awesome work. Your layout is clean. I may suggest though to find a higher resolution picture to use on your header to pull your layout together even more.
Your introduction is very well written. You give great insight on what your project will be about. I also like the way you tie the Ramayana into your project. This is a key element to your project, and you did it quite well. I would probably fix the formatting of your introduction. I would recommend breaking your two paragraphs into four for easier reading and understanding. I believe it would make your introduction have a better flow, and make it more desirable for people to read.
Blaine, I was pretty drawn to your story, because you mention "golf" in your title. After reading your introduction, there are so many questions that have peaked my curiosity. Firstly, I like that you incorporated yourself into your storybook series. I know of only one more classmate of ours that incorporated himself somehow and I think that's really neat. Not very many people do that in these stories. Your introduction makes me wonder what character you'll play in the stories and how significant you are, to be narrating the stories. Will you be keeping with the topic of taking Sita away or will you focus more on the golf perspective of the stories as well? I like that you have your characters in college and that Ravana is from a rival college and still trying to take Sita from Rama. It's got that modern-day twist and I kind of like it. Good luck with your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHey Blaine.
ReplyDeleteThe concept of placing the story of the Ramayana onto a golf course setting is very interesting and I'm curious to see how you pull it off. I can only hope you have found a way to incorporate an abnormal amount of golf puns into the Ramayana's story.
Your introduction does a pretty good job at introducing the story concept and the characters that we will be reading about throughout the rest of the stories, and if I had one complaint it would have to be that we don't really have a good idea of how the narrator fits into everything. He seems like he is a fellow student of Rama, but I don't know whether he is his friend, Ravana's friend or a friend of both.
Besides for that, very good work so far!
Hi Blaine,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your stories and I'm glad you chose to focus on a topic that is personal to you. It seems to make for really good stories in my experience.
I believe your home page could be improved with a link to your comment wall (for convenience) and maybe post your banner as a full image to entice a little more immersion for the reader.
Your introduction looks good and does a great job of setting up your first story and I like that it seems to go in chronological order. I think it would be neat if you were able to mix this up, sorta like the scenes in "Pulp Fiction" if you've seen that movie.
Aside from a few typos such as: "Rama had a dad that was basically none existence in his early days and for that reason Rama was not close to his dad at all." everything looks really good. I look forward to seeing your progression throughout the semester.
Blaine,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great idea for a project! It is always best to write about something you are passionate about, and you are obviously very passionate about golf! Your introduction has great content, and adding a few extra things will really make it great. A couple sentences need some commas (they are compound sentences, so they need to be separated before the conjunction). Trust me, I am no grammar guru, but adding just a few will really take your intro to the next level. Also, I love the picture of you and your teammates; great personal touch!
Your story was also really fun to read! I loved that you were friends with Rama from the beginning because this will give readers an inside look on his personal life. This is actually a relatable story; so many college students have long-distance relationships or family trouble, so it sounds real! In order to make a whole story, I would add some conversation between you and Rama. Maybe you could also add something like your first practice or moving into the dorms or something like that. Keep up the great stories!
Hi Blaine!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a unique idea for a storybook. It's cool to see the characters as sports rivals. It's such a fitting twist. I also love how Ravana was enrolled at a college "down south". Is that supposed to be Texas? It feels like it's supposed to be Texas. I'm super excited to see how Sita comes in. This story has a lot of room for some great buildup! I was a little confused at first when the link brought me to your homepage, because it's blank, and the links are kind of hiding up in your header photo. I thought maybe the page didn't load right or something. I would suggest maybe looking into that. Other than that, I'm so excited to see how this moves forward! I wonder if Lakshmana will be a golfer too, or if he'l be Rama's football player roommate/best friend. And will Sita be sporty too? That would be so cool. And will other Ramayana characters be referenced? Even subtle references would be really cool, and add a lot of depth. Great job!
Again, it's really fun to see your love of golf come out in your stories. I thought it was really interesting to tell the tale from the point of view of someone BESIDES Rama, so it's simply his teammate. You introduced your storybook really well, and gave us a clear idea of what you would be writing them about. I like the modernization, as well as the relate-ability. It is very easy to read your story, and also very fun as you keep it light and fresh.
ReplyDeleteI would like more backstory on the character who is narrating as well, but perhaps you're doing that later, or you could add it in during an editing challenge. I love that he's friends with Rama and we do get his backstory at least.
There are a few instances of strange misspellings and repetitions in your story, but nothing a revision can't fix.
Hey Blaine! It looks like you've incorporated one of your interests into a Ramayana story, and I think that's super awesome! I like that you made the story on the OU campus and are kind of sharing someone else's story; I think the first person narrative is great and it pulled me into the story immediately! I don't have many critiques about your story at all because I thought it was great, but just one suggestion: at the end, you mention "This was just the beginning of Rama and I as we would have many great stories of our time together." However, you didn't mention actually meeting Rama or how you guys became friends, or like a little story about your first encounter. I was thinking maybe you could add in a sentence or two about your first adventure together or just how you guys met, so that we can see you guys have started to become friends and in the next parts of your storybook you'd talk about everything else that went down senior year :-) I really liked where your storybook is headed though, so great work! I can't wait to read the rest of it:)
ReplyDeleteHi Blaine! I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class. I really like the way you set up your storybook! How it seems like you're actually in the story, and how it takes place at OU, but it also includes a very different set of characters from the Indian culture! I feel like your first story was also a more extended introduction. I didn't really feel a sense of plot in it. Just more explanation of the characters. Maybe you could add in some drama to make it more like a story? I'm definitely interested in reading more to see how the storybook actually comes together! Does Ravana also play golf? Have they competed together in the past? And what's the history behind Rama and Ravana? Is there a reason they are rivals? Maybe you could answer some of these questions in the introduction/stories? I also wonder what's going on with Rama's father? Will he have a role in the story at all?
ReplyDeleteHey Blaine, I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class. I really like how your story takes place here at OU. I was unable to really see the plot of your story recounting of Rama's experiences. I want to learn more about the rivalry between Rama and Ravana.
ReplyDeleteHi Blaine,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Justin, I am from the Mythology and Folklore class. Your introduction was really good. It told us a little about your background and how your storybook was going to be as you move forward. I especially like the personal connection you make to your own life and how it is really meaningful. A couple things that I saw in your story were just a few spelling/grammatical errors like "none existence" should be said as non existent. That was the major thing that I noticed. Another thing to add would be more detail. Rama's father left because he felt he wouldn't be able to see his son succeed but what made this happen? Was it really hard for Rama to concentrate because of it or was he doing alright? Maybe end on a positive note as well!
Hey Brad! I'm Gavin and I'm in the mythology and folklore class. So reading your stuff was quite different. I really thought your introduction was professional and brought the right idea for the set up. You can tell you're trying to set a path for the next stories to come. I think that your material is great other than a few minor slip ups with the actual writing. I thought you could possibly make a few additions of detail to truly get more action into your story. I love golfing so I truly can appreciate your stories. I think to truly capture your idea with another story but until then I’ll just have to wait. One thing I was thinking was you maybe adding more images to truly allow the reader to visualize your stories. Overall I think youre doing a great job brad and you should just make a few minor tweaks but material wise you are perfect.
ReplyDeleteHi Blaine! I'm Jillian and I am in the mythology and folklore class! I think you chose a really interesting way of setting up your stories. Using your own life as the frame? Very clever. I thought it was cool how you could use your own pictures and experiences to inform your storytelling. It makes it feel much more personal for the readers, like we are not only hearing stories, but getting to know you as well.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that could really enhance your first story is some direct dialogue. We could get more of Rama's personality by hearing his voice and words. It could also develop the story and the relationships he has with other characters of the story. This way we really feel invested in this golf team.
Other than that, great work! I would like to see more development between Rama and his rival, but maybe that is coming in the future stories?
Blaine,
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of using this storybook to reflect some of your personal experiences. This not only adds significance for the reader, but I think it really adds significance for you. That contributes another layer of depth to your writing, because there in meaning both in what is being said and also why it is being said. Matching this up with stories from your life also probably made it more interesting for you to write!
With your first story, I love your picture! Looks like a beautiful course.
I do think that you might be able to add some more information in order to develop this story. As it is, it almost serves as more of an introduction instead of its own story. Perhaps you could provide more of a description of Sita, and of Rama and Sita’s relationship? We are told that they are in love and that they enjoy spending time together, but I think it would add some depth to your story if you discussed what Sita was like as well as some specifics about their relationship.
I almost think a possible set up idea for you website would be to use your current introduction page as more of a brief preface to the content of the project, and then using your first story, “Beginning of College,” as an introduction. This might set up you up to expand your content in the upcoming weeks!
Hey there, Blaine!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say that this was definitely a very cool and unique idea for a project! I have not seen anyone else make a project based on experiences from their own life and memories. So, I thought that was really awesome! I think the introduction and overall layout of your project are great. You have a nice background image and the text is pleasing to look at. The initial story was also very good, and I think it provided crucial background information to the story. I liked the idea of the two attending Oklahoma and Texas. That bit of information will make it more entertaining for the readers. I wonder what will happen between Rama and his rival? Will he defeat his rival during his bid for a championship? I am looking forward to seeing what happens next! Keep up the good work. I will check back in a couple of weeks to see what happens next.
Hi Blaine! I'm in the Mythology and Folklore class but I wanted read your Storybook because I play golf too. This is a really original idea and it was so smart of you to base the stories on your personal experiences. With a only a five or six person team, it's a sport that lets you get to know everyone personally. Why doesn't Sita go to school with them? And why is she not the one coming up to see him? I know this all has a point but sometimes I just wish everyone could be logical in stories. Does Ravana get in Rama's head when he plays? Ugh because that's the worst! I like your style of writing for this too. I think writing it from your own perspective looking back on the events is a great way to do this story. It makes the foreshadowing all the more fun! Great job and I can't wait to see what happens next!
ReplyDeleteHi Blaine!!
ReplyDeleteI've read posts on your class page, but this is the first time I've gotten the chance to read your project! Great job! The introduction really gains the readers attention and makes them feel invested into the stories you are about to tell. You did a great job of setting up the plot and things the reader would read later on in your story.
There were just one thing I noticed when reading that I wanted to point out :)
"While us teammates wanted each other to succeed their were others teams that loved to see us fail."
- there instead of their
great job!
Hello Blaine,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have checked out your page all semester. Honestly, I should have checked it sooner! I was missing out on some great stories. I like how you made your stories personal by including yourself. This is the first portfolio that I have came across that has done that has done that.
In the begging on your portfolio, you started with your story "beginning of college". I think that you did a great job with that because it is necessary to lay down the foundation for the rest of your portfolio stories. The story was also very easy to read and relatable. I think it would be a good idea to mention how you Rama actually became friends. I think that would
make your story more interesting! Other than that you have a wonderful start to your portfolio stories.
Hi Blaine,
ReplyDeleteI really like that you put yourself into your stories. It's a very unique approach and offers a very engaging perspective that I haven't seen from any of the other projects. I think you did a fantastic job of taking your own personal experiences and mixing them with the stories that we have read about in class. I assume that also made it easier as well as more fun to write.
There are a few grammar mistakes throughout your portfolio, mainly missing commas, but also a few misspellings - in your last story specifically, "their" at the start of your third paragraph should be there - but you should be able to take care of that by doing a quick proof read. One thing that maybe could have added to the stories would be dialogue between the characters, although that might have been hard with you being the narrator. I think the second story would have been a good place for it, maybe highlighting the discussion between Rama and Sita where he is given the ultimatum. The stories are just fine how they are though.
This was a very fun project to read, thank you for doing such a great job!
Hey, Blaine! I know it is the end of the semester but I am glad I stumbled upon your project. I think your idea is super unique! I liked that you set your project on campus. It makes it relatable and easy to read. I also like the team aspect of your project. I think it was a great idea to take the story of Ramayana and incorporate it into something relatable to you. I think my only real critique has to do with character development. I know it's a bit late in the semester for it now but I think adding some character background would really make your project overall stronger. It was a bit hard in a few spots to keep characters straight and it felt as though they were all thrown together in the stories - especially the rivalry between Rama and Ravana. Why are the rivals? It could just be a learning curve for me since I am in the Myth & Folklore class, not the Indian Epics class. Other than those few suggestions, well done!
ReplyDelete